all that i can't leave behind.
the past 3 days 2 nights were beautiful.
though there were some frustrations, misunderstandings, screams and shouts here and there, still i had one of the best times in my life. cos other than my family, i got to spend the entire 3D2N with people whom i am closest to. these people who have walked with me through tears and laughters and everything else - i love you.
in my previous blog, i mentioned in one of the entries that i was getting kinda excited as the day drew nearer. but now that i've only 4 days left in my homeland, the initial hesitation, doubt, fear and nostalgia are all back again. and i feel them stronger than before. so strong they overshadow any trace of excitement in me.
suddenly im not looking forward to this trip anymore.
suddenly, im beginning to hate myself for choosing this route.
suddenly, im afraid.
how am i going to spend 3 years without my closest people around? the very people who understands me the most and who have learned to accept both my perfections and flaws. who am i going to bitch to? who can i cry to?
yeah i will certainly have new friends, like how i made more friends in my 3 years of poly life. but i truly believe that these bosom buddies of mine whom i've joked and cried with for the past 7 years are the only people whom i can feel at ultimate ease with.
and rich. he's getting more emotional as the days fly past. as for me, my tear glands are not as active recently maybe cos they are wearing out, but still i feel the pinch as much as he does. my tears might not flow but deep within, my heart cries every morning when i wake and every night before i sleep. cos i know another day with him physically around me has passed.
these days i've been rather cantankerous and impatient, unable to tolerate even the slightest annoyances. esp to my family and more so towards rich.
at times when i think back, i disdain myself for doing such injustice to all those who truly love and care for me. but the reason why im running out of patience as the day draws nearer is really cos i simply dread that day.
cos i am afraid to leave all these precious people and beautiful moments behind.
though there were some frustrations, misunderstandings, screams and shouts here and there, still i had one of the best times in my life. cos other than my family, i got to spend the entire 3D2N with people whom i am closest to. these people who have walked with me through tears and laughters and everything else - i love you.
in my previous blog, i mentioned in one of the entries that i was getting kinda excited as the day drew nearer. but now that i've only 4 days left in my homeland, the initial hesitation, doubt, fear and nostalgia are all back again. and i feel them stronger than before. so strong they overshadow any trace of excitement in me.
suddenly im not looking forward to this trip anymore.
suddenly, im beginning to hate myself for choosing this route.
suddenly, im afraid.
how am i going to spend 3 years without my closest people around? the very people who understands me the most and who have learned to accept both my perfections and flaws. who am i going to bitch to? who can i cry to?
yeah i will certainly have new friends, like how i made more friends in my 3 years of poly life. but i truly believe that these bosom buddies of mine whom i've joked and cried with for the past 7 years are the only people whom i can feel at ultimate ease with.
and rich. he's getting more emotional as the days fly past. as for me, my tear glands are not as active recently maybe cos they are wearing out, but still i feel the pinch as much as he does. my tears might not flow but deep within, my heart cries every morning when i wake and every night before i sleep. cos i know another day with him physically around me has passed.
these days i've been rather cantankerous and impatient, unable to tolerate even the slightest annoyances. esp to my family and more so towards rich.
at times when i think back, i disdain myself for doing such injustice to all those who truly love and care for me. but the reason why im running out of patience as the day draws nearer is really cos i simply dread that day.
cos i am afraid to leave all these precious people and beautiful moments behind.
posted by geri at 10:18 PM
3 Predictions:
I want to see you happy girl! Not like this ok :) Don't feel sad for leaving, this will be a whole new great experience for you. And this will not break us but only make our friendship and your love for rich stronger. You know after 3 years, we'll still be the same screamy angmokio kids! We love you so much geri, smile please! Oh and faster pack your things so you can join us!!
cheekyhuishi
I stalk you.
i loved aranda!! no lah, actually loved the 'stalking' sessions at the amkss porch where choy concluded 'who' n 'who' must be having muthafuckin good sex.
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