tomorrow, will i be who i am today?: November 2005

2 more weeks.

i cant wait. i really cant wait.

im gonna be home in 2 weeks! but there's a hundred and one things to do before i can board the plane peacefully. sigh

anyway ytd i got back my results for the 3rd test and guess what? it's the only test in my life (i think) that i earned a 100% for. i didnt know im tt smart. heh. nah actually it's an idiot's test. nothing to do with the law, basically just test us on our ability to make use of the www to find information. and honestly, im quite smooth at tt. ;) but then again the test was simple la.

oh and my sis, melinda, was the prom queen for amkss' prom this year. not bad. she looked like a rockchick in those shiny, hippy pieces of clothing.

hmm these 2 weeks have been a rollercoaster ride for me. so many things happened, so many things to think about. it has not exactly been easy but i guess life has to go on.

anyway last thurs we (me, monica, daph, pat, gerald, jenson and a group of hongkongers) went down to revolution, a well-known rnb club. tt was my second trip there and it was pretty fun. guys come and go and i had a couple of intriguing conversations with some of them.

i especially remember this black guy from kenya who has lived in uk for the past 10yrs. his dream is to travel around the world to report on things that we lucky ppl have always taken granted for. i love the conversation with him cos we share the same passion i guess. when i told him i gotta take my leave, he said this last sentence which i dont think i'll ever forget - "geri, be someone big one day. and when you do, i'll remember you. i'll remember this day."

with which i replied, "and i'm sure i'll see you in the news one day, or at least your name, tim. for a good reason of course."

i couldnt say that i'll remember him cos i know i probably wont. i totally suck at differentiating faces, esp the whites and the blacks. i bet if i see him on the streets tmr, i wont even recognise him. yea im tt bad.

anyway monica, pat and gerald wanna go down revo again this thurs. actually i really wanna go down too. its the only club that has friendly ppl and good music so far. but as i had mentioned, i've gotta complete the neverending assignments by next fri before i fly. oh well, there's always next semester to have fun. im gonna be stuck here for 3yrs anyway.

and my baby darling ORDed today! congratulations xiaotou! i guess it was a good 2.5yrs for him as i've seen him mature so much thru these years. and he has been such a superexcellent PTI. his efforts and contributions to his beloved khatib camp are more than commendable. i know the higher authorities in his camp will never forget him. im so proud of my baby. actually no matter where he goes, he never fails to leave an everlasting impression on the ppl ard him. don't u think so? he's that significant. and im head over heels in love with him. ;)

hmm there are too many things to update on cos i havent really been talking bout my life here in the past few entries. but i gotta go back to my books now before i head out for jenson's birthday dinner.

gosh i've never been so disciplined in my life.

the unexplainable pain.

u feel it when u're faced with the greatest shock u can ever imagine.

and then u feel lost.

so lost.

this world doesnt seem like what it used to be anymore.

10th.

to my one and only,

happy 10th monthasary!

wish i can call u right now but my icc card has only 20p left. tt wld only last for half a minute. the 1st thing im gonna do tmr is to get a calling card from city centre so i can call my darling.

i love u rich.

1111.

oh it's 11.11am in singapore now.

my laptop's clock shows singapore time.

was abt to turn off my com, saw the time and cldnt help it but blog this down. cos i cant get my mind off rich.

missing his presence. Badly.

cold, sick and guilty.

it's 1am over here. just got back from the theatres. watched harry potter and the goblet of fire.

hmm not bad a show but somehow all these magical shows just seem too fake to me. not exactly my cup of tea.

wasnt able to thoroughly enjoy the show as i was and still am suffering from the worst sorethroat in my life. it's so bad i've diffculty even sipping water. cldnt talk at all and everyone was poking fun at me cos i was trying my best to whisper back to them but it just hurts so bad.

as im typing away, im also trying to finish this huge glass of honey. finally remembered to buy honey! these few days i've been gurgling salt water, drinking eno water (courtesy of chipmunk), sucking lozenges (again courtesy of chipmunk cos i happen to finish mine already) and drowning myself with kettle after kettle of water and somehow it's getting worse.

just got antibiotics (for inflammed throat, courtesy of weilun) like 5mins ago. still contemplating if i shld take them cos once i start, i've to finish the course. and yes i know antibiotics are not exactly good for health so hmm... i'll see.

guess the weather's not helping. when it gets so cold, it's gets so dry too.

oh yes talking bout weather. currently the temp is -1 degree. it's literally freezing. as we were walking back from the theatres, we went past a car company and all those new cars parked outside were covered with a layer of ice. how cool is tt? took a pic of one of the cars with my hp but as usual, im too lazy to upload. heh.

anyway i've been skipping classes like crazy. this week i've only attended 2 lectures out of 8! help!

this weekend im so not gonna go out. i seriously hv to start mugging. i cant skip classes anymore! no no no. today one of my law seniors said the law department doesnt hesitate to kick weaker students out. for his batch after the 1st yr, 60 out of 300 students were kicked out due to poor results. tt totally scared the shit out of me.

geraldine, u gotta buck up!

erm after i get my recovery (hopefully) rest 1st.

a dedication...

to our cheeky, mischievious, funky yet lovable gorilla!

happy 20th!

ok so now with the big '2', finally mummy daddy are not gonna call the police after 6pm. err right?

heh when i get back, we're gonna hv a helluva party for u and all the scorpio babes! oh i so cant wait. get me out of leicester!

just ended the conversation with bdae girl and it just feels so warm talking to my dear girl(s). tt call cost 6pounds. heh but it was all so worth it! if i had all the money in the world, i wld have called all of u every single day. serious. :(

anyway goodluck for your exams dear! and the same goes for all u girls who havent got thru those damn papers yet.

love ya. love all of you.

solitude. precious solitude.

havent been blogging as often as i should, or rather, as often as i thought i wld.

ever since i left singapore, i realised i havent had much time alone, havent had any time at all for myself, to find myself.

my daily routine wld consist of some of, or all of these: rushing to classes, sleeping the day away, cooking, marketing, doing laundry, entertaining frens, shopping, watching movies, drinking, talking cock and acting stupid with everyone else.

the only times when im in my room are when im rushing thru my tutorials, sleeping or trying to sleep, bathing, changing and shitting. seriously, i havent had the time to really sit down, think about how do i wanna lead my life, reflect on my behaviour/attitude, or just simply admiring myself, talk to myself, play with myself. ok tt sounds wrong but u get the drift.

somehow over here, once u step out of ur room, there's no more privacy. even in ur room there's no privacy actually. yes no one can see me change or bathe but still, im only like 4 numbers away from all those living ard me. even if i just feel like being alone without any disturbance for a day, ppl wld notice my 'disappearance' and its only natural tt they will question. im not complaining bout the company i have here. i will not deny the importance of good company when u're all alone in a foreign land but sometimes, we just need some time for ourselves.

furthermore, the walls here are so thin. my neighbours can hear everything tts going on in my room. like when my phone rings, when i play (note: not blast) music, when i vacuum n etc.

everyday, u hv to face ppl tt u know and ppl tt u dont know. everyday u hv to make an effort to look good cos once u're out of ur room, u hv to face ppl. u have to wear a mask, paste a smile on ur face and always hv a ready 'hello, hows your day?' on hand. every single day, every single night. sometimes it just gets so tiring. sometimes, u just crave for solitude. well at least i do.

maybe i sound crazy. cos when i mentioned it to my friends, they didnt seem to understand where was i coming from.

if uk didnt sound tt unsafe, i wld have gone shopping alone. i wld have gone for night jogs alone. i wld hv gone for a free spin alone (ok so tts impossible). well its nice to hv company most of e time, but sometimes i do yearn to do some things alone.

i need to withdraw into my shell for awhile. i need solitude, at least for now.

i am flawed.

i love you rich.

i really really do.

all i wana do now is to fall into your arms.

so far yet so strong.

the distance between us is unbearable enough.

yet ppl who have too much time on their hands still tried to exploit this vulnerability and made up stories to break us up. ppl whom i dont even know.

why? just because u dont believe fairytales exist? then i'll prove it to u.

only we know our love for each other will just get stronger.

i love you rich. more than words can describe.

so much more.

updates

hmm havent been updating my blog for awhile, according to melly.

so here i am. nothing much to talk abt. last weekend was monica's bdae so i cooked up a surprise party for her with some help from daphne. we cooked for about 20-odd 30 ppl? there was fried rice, grilled spaghetti-marinated chicken wings, stir-fry broccoliand some finger food like nuggets and fries. oh i baked a cheesecake too! all in all, it was pretty nice, not bad. just tt everything was done in a rush, if not it wld hv been better.

but the cheesecake was terrific! :D

hmm as im typing away, im waiting for chipmunk to get ready and we'll head down to monica neighbour's bdae party. apparently they (hongkongers) are having a steamboat and invited us over. cool. my favourite!

this saturday will be jonathon's bdae and beh's cooking laksa and rendang beef and he invites all singaporeans over to their apartment.

and the weekend before last was zihui's bdae and we went to Flame restaurant for chinese buffet dinner. yum.

oh and how can i ever forget that 2 days ago was darling huishi's and precious chris' bdaes? happy sexy, groovy, cutesy, bimbotic 20th! heh.

wow what a bdae month.