solitude. precious solitude.
havent been blogging as often as i should, or rather, as often as i thought i wld.
ever since i left singapore, i realised i havent had much time alone, havent had any time at all for myself, to find myself.
my daily routine wld consist of some of, or all of these: rushing to classes, sleeping the day away, cooking, marketing, doing laundry, entertaining frens, shopping, watching movies, drinking, talking cock and acting stupid with everyone else.
the only times when im in my room are when im rushing thru my tutorials, sleeping or trying to sleep, bathing, changing and shitting. seriously, i havent had the time to really sit down, think about how do i wanna lead my life, reflect on my behaviour/attitude, or just simply admiring myself, talk to myself, play with myself. ok tt sounds wrong but u get the drift.
somehow over here, once u step out of ur room, there's no more privacy. even in ur room there's no privacy actually. yes no one can see me change or bathe but still, im only like 4 numbers away from all those living ard me. even if i just feel like being alone without any disturbance for a day, ppl wld notice my 'disappearance' and its only natural tt they will question. im not complaining bout the company i have here. i will not deny the importance of good company when u're all alone in a foreign land but sometimes, we just need some time for ourselves.
furthermore, the walls here are so thin. my neighbours can hear everything tts going on in my room. like when my phone rings, when i play (note: not blast) music, when i vacuum n etc.
everyday, u hv to face ppl tt u know and ppl tt u dont know. everyday u hv to make an effort to look good cos once u're out of ur room, u hv to face ppl. u have to wear a mask, paste a smile on ur face and always hv a ready 'hello, hows your day?' on hand. every single day, every single night. sometimes it just gets so tiring. sometimes, u just crave for solitude. well at least i do.
maybe i sound crazy. cos when i mentioned it to my friends, they didnt seem to understand where was i coming from.
if uk didnt sound tt unsafe, i wld have gone shopping alone. i wld have gone for night jogs alone. i wld hv gone for a free spin alone (ok so tts impossible). well its nice to hv company most of e time, but sometimes i do yearn to do some things alone.
i need to withdraw into my shell for awhile. i need solitude, at least for now.
ever since i left singapore, i realised i havent had much time alone, havent had any time at all for myself, to find myself.
my daily routine wld consist of some of, or all of these: rushing to classes, sleeping the day away, cooking, marketing, doing laundry, entertaining frens, shopping, watching movies, drinking, talking cock and acting stupid with everyone else.
the only times when im in my room are when im rushing thru my tutorials, sleeping or trying to sleep, bathing, changing and shitting. seriously, i havent had the time to really sit down, think about how do i wanna lead my life, reflect on my behaviour/attitude, or just simply admiring myself, talk to myself, play with myself. ok tt sounds wrong but u get the drift.
somehow over here, once u step out of ur room, there's no more privacy. even in ur room there's no privacy actually. yes no one can see me change or bathe but still, im only like 4 numbers away from all those living ard me. even if i just feel like being alone without any disturbance for a day, ppl wld notice my 'disappearance' and its only natural tt they will question. im not complaining bout the company i have here. i will not deny the importance of good company when u're all alone in a foreign land but sometimes, we just need some time for ourselves.
furthermore, the walls here are so thin. my neighbours can hear everything tts going on in my room. like when my phone rings, when i play (note: not blast) music, when i vacuum n etc.
everyday, u hv to face ppl tt u know and ppl tt u dont know. everyday u hv to make an effort to look good cos once u're out of ur room, u hv to face ppl. u have to wear a mask, paste a smile on ur face and always hv a ready 'hello, hows your day?' on hand. every single day, every single night. sometimes it just gets so tiring. sometimes, u just crave for solitude. well at least i do.
maybe i sound crazy. cos when i mentioned it to my friends, they didnt seem to understand where was i coming from.
if uk didnt sound tt unsafe, i wld have gone shopping alone. i wld have gone for night jogs alone. i wld hv gone for a free spin alone (ok so tts impossible). well its nice to hv company most of e time, but sometimes i do yearn to do some things alone.
i need to withdraw into my shell for awhile. i need solitude, at least for now.
posted by geri at 7:47 AM
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