best times of my life.

it all started with this:

"Hope the classes aint boring u yet - gd afternoon n lovely day ahead!" - 17/09/04

and it went on:

" 'if the darkness seems 2 keep us apart, n if the daylight seems like a long way afar, n if yr glass heart were to crack, for a second you look back. oh no, be strong. walk on!' i just sang you the only song tt kept me going from the ... and the loneliness, to where i am now, a much better place. walk with me? *extends hand*" - 0611/4

almost losing it:

"ok. i understand tt you wanna walk away, and i will let you but i will stay where i am and watch u walk. because i cannot help but love who i love and this is my truest feeling. and for the 1st time, i dont wanna lie to myself. i gotta be true to my feelings. take care." - 071204

tragedy struck:

"i was at a loss of words when i saw my mum. my whole world came down on me. if it wasnt for you who was there for me unselfishly, i really dont know wat to do. i really wanna thank you and i just cant thank you enough. but i want you to focus on yrself too, for you are so dear to me. have a gd rest k. *hugz*" - 131204

finding the strength:

"i know u dont want this sms but still i rather take the risk tt u might beat me up tmr. i thank you for today and beyond. it is emotionally very tiring for but u always keep my spirits up, holding my hand as i walk on. thank you for showing me the way. nitez my queen ken." - 191204

the birth of the fairytale:

"such a lovely morning, esp the 1st thing i know is tt i have a girlfriend and that she loves me beyond any reason. i want you in my arms now. i want to kiss you now. i want to let the whole world know tt i love you now. haha im such a demanding bf. i miss u sweetheart." - 210105

the magic never dies:

"i kept most of the sms u sent, from when u 1st hardly recognise my existence, to the phase when u told me, 'u like me but cannot love me', to all the love u're giving me now. i honestly thought u'll never give me a chance at all, cos i thought.. wat can i actually give u to deserve yr hand? all i know is tt i was honest with my feelings and i just never wanna let go despite u thinking it wasnt possible. i love you geri and can never let go, be it from the start till ever." - 070405

its only possible with 617:

"bubu...? woah woah... ai wo? bu yao ma wo?" - 060905

the big step:

"i think abt u leaving for uk, i feel so sad. im alone on the bus now, listening to our love songs. its just so overwhelming." - 190905

but if its gonna change anything, its only gonna make this stronger:

"no matter how tough my life can get, knowing tt i have a permanent place in yr heart provides me with all the answers i ever need. i love u geri. happy 1st yr! i will work hard to provide a great future for the both of us." -200105



i think about the days in phut and gab's place with gab and shi. think about mitre. our silly moments and the carefree days. then came the hospital trips. day and night, our usual meeting place will be at the different hospitals. our usual 'dates' involve consoling your mum and dad, consulting docs, arguing with nurses, eating at nearby coffeeshops and foodcourts, going thru physio with ur mum, wiping tears, talking to visiting relatives and friends, cleaning up ur mum, feeding her and making sure her head can touch the bell before we bid our nightly gdbyes. then thankfully ur mum's hme and then we started doing wat most couples do. yet everyday still feels so special with u. and i love them all.

i wana particularly mention the hospital trips. they are so memorable. maybe cos i've never had 'dates' like those. and it never fails to fascinate me how much im looking forward to each 'date'. i didnt care about the movies, shopping was unnecessary, my appetite for steamboats disappeared. in fact i love talking to the patients, covering the neighbouring patient with a blanket, setting up xmas tree for them, staring sternly at the naughty kids who loved to destroy our tree, doing up a mega new year card for ur mum & counting down with her in whispers in the middle of the night. we do the same things almost everyday yet everyday was so fulfilling.

once again ur mum's going to the hospital in april. once again we'll hv to go thru tt when im back for easter. but i assure u tt i wont complain a single bit. u know i wont. cos i know these trips are gonna bring your family much closer to the miracle we've all been praying for the past year.

rich, this is my message to you:


"till death do us part."

617 turns 1.

Happy anniversary to the one i love so dear.

xiaotou, "all i want is You".

the time is now.

thanks gorilla and choy for those encouraging words. choy, so wat r u waiting for? learn from the ever-so-disciplined me and get down to some work! and gorilla, awww.. u finally admit it. i knew it. fun can only be possible with me ard. tsk tsk.

hmm exams started today. so i can inevitable feel the stronger presence of the dreaded exam blues. the next and last paper (thankfully) is so gonna inflict immense pain on me, if not kill me. in fact it already is 3/4 thru the process.

i hate essays. and im supposed to write 3 argumentative essays (approx. 700words each) w/in 2.5hrs. how is that possible? plus i've to memorise the quotes from all those 'academics' who seriously, have nothing better to do than to talk so much about one stupid subject. i think they are sadists. they love to torture students. i hope to meet one of these fiendish academics one day and see if they befit the Frankenstein images in my head.

on the way back from the 1st paper, tried to get a kebab meal from the kebab van just below where i live. and it was closed! pissed off. it shld hv been opened since 2 hrs ago. gonna try again later.

havent had enough slp for the whole day and still gotta study for my next paper right after dinner. my head's spinning and i can feel my blood pressure shooting up. any more of this and i surrender.

ok i better stop complaining. not like any of u havent been thru exams right. oh one consolation - today's mcq paper was easy. why? cos my lecturer posted up a past mcq paper on Blackboard and i was discussing the answers (which were not provided) with my fellow sg lawmates till 2am last night. and guess what? today's paper was identical. yes it was an exact carbon copy of the one we did. how more creative can they get?

but im not complaining. heh.

anyway was pretty rude to rich on the phone today before my exams cos i was so stressed up. uh oh. sorry baby. better call him up and do some sayang-ing. keke.

laters.

claustrophobic

imagine cooping yourself in an enclosed room, with no tv or playstation or whatever. just you, a toilet, a bed, a table, books and a laptop, 24/7. i mean it. not being able to step out at all. AT ALL. no you can't even walk out for a wheeze of fresh air. seriously, just picture it.

tts how i've been surviving these days. if this continues any longer, i gotta see a psychiatrist soon. and im so not kidding. this is worse than prison.

Jesus, Goddess of Mercy, Allah, someone, anyone - please give me the strength to carry on.

i miss you.

wishing you were here.

what a life.

woke up at 8am this morning. spent an hour cooking porridge, boiling cabbage and chinese mushrooms and eating my very healthy (synonym: pathetic) meal.

then its all about hitting the books. skyped with rich for about an hr, meanwhile exploring the functions of the program. and then its...

all about hitting the books again. yea what a life.

time seems to pass so slowly today. honestly, i can concentrate much better on my books here, but at the same time, i feel much emptier - like there's nothing to look forward to. everyone's studying, everyone's so grim and serious, everyone's having no life. gosh i need smth to look forward to, i need a purpose in this miserable life, at least for now.

oh well tts why i msged daph and monica to go nando's (this restaurant tt serves great bbq chicken) tonight for dinner. yay im going out! cheap thrill, i know. but better than nothing. i feel so suffocated spending the entire day in this room.

so now im gonna vacuum my whole room, tidy everything and its... back to hit the books, again.

when will this end?

and so here i am.

just called rich bout an hr ago. gosh i miss my xiaotou so much.

anyway i left the warmth of my home on wed ard 10.30am and arrived here in my hostel room ard 7.30am (sg time) on cold thurs morning.

so tt took me 21hrs in total. not too bad considering it cld have taken much longer if we were not lucky enough to get the bus almost immediately (an hr later actually) after our flight's arrival in heathrow airport.

one of my friends had to wait 6hrs for the bus in the riotous and rundown airport the night before my arrival. phew.

ok so im here, far away from my favourite food, my lovely family, my great bunch of friends and my beloved baby, yet again. if i have one wish now, i only wish to be back in sg for 2 more weeks, at least till i get to spend the 1st few days of cny in sg.

many of my seniors are skipping the 1st week of sch to spend cny in sg. if only i dont have exams next wk, i wld have so gladly done that too. so now my next wish is for the following yr's cny to be in jan again, as early as possible. anyone knows when will it be?

this is the 1st yr im gonna spend cny away from home, with no sch holidays (!!), no cny goodies, no lavish dinners (i will miss sharksfin and abalone), no angbaos, no new pretty clothes or shoes, no 'gongxi gongxi', no cny songs (in fact i really do love the festive songs) and no firecrackers ((i dont mind fake ones too, i really dont).

instead i'll have lectures, homework, essays, snow, frostbites, strong winds, empty room (messy actually), old winter jackets and instant noodles. sounds fun doesnt it?

how much more depressing can it be?

went out to city today to stack up on my collection of instant noodles, cup noodles, frozen chicken pies and rice (to cook porridge) in preparation for the coming idiotic exams. and all these while u ppl back home shld be going to city to find brand new clothes, shoes and accessories.

ok enough of complaining. im gonna nap and back to hit the goddamn books. btw my uk mobile no. has been changed to +44 07767626593 if anybody is curious.

i miss all of you.

P.S: when i was halfway thru my marketing in city abt 3hrs ago, i received a msg from sg. it read, "hey babe what time are you leaving tmr? heh." huishi darling, i left more than 40hrs ago. thanks for asking though. :)

rich.

just had the most amazing time of my life the past few days with rich. though we did quarrel, a big one too, we made up in no time, feeling stronger for each other than ever before.

just had the sweetest conversation with him too.

im gonna miss him so damn much. urgh why do i have to leave?

sometimes i make the stupidest decisions.

and more photos.

on the way to phut. -4th Jan 05

in my car-turned-bar at cine's carpark. blasting music, drinking wine, vodka and beer.


the backups.


the main celebrities. ;)

oh "girls just wanna have fun."

more photos.

xmas 2005 at my place...


the homemade (well mostly) feast.


taken by the oh-so-professional photographer, rich. who else?



taken by rich, again.


rich, yes, AGAIN. but i like. ;)


5am.

photos.

yay finally i got down to uploading photos taken since i left uk. some are long overdued. oh well u know me. heh. alright here they are:



this is one photo i took with monica and daph the night before i left. they were such great friends who helped me a hell lot, really.

pictures of my baby hosting the one-wk long xmas event outside ngee ann city (hmm he hosted for one day):




one of the performances.


rich baby acting cute yet looking gd.

oooo

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education:

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.


oh well, i guess most parts are true but some are not really. like how i dont like people who are too serious cos they bore me (tts why im with rich!). hmm but when it comes to career, im pretty similiar to mel, am i?

2006 begins...

i spent the countdown and the first 5mins of 2006 with an animal. what an experience.

but it was a lovable animal, so i have no complaints. and that geri-obssessed animal loves me to bits so well, i did a good deed the first thing in 2006, right gorilla? heh heh. (psst pssst.. rem our little secret?)

anyway MOS was well.. not bad. but surprisingly, i had the most fun while queueing. wat can u expect? queued for 3 freaking hrs leh! drank quite abit. rich baby came all the way down after his work at the safra party and brought me to meet his colleagues. dennis keller is.. erm.. on the whole, better looking on screen but i still love her sharp facial features, esp her sexy smile. but she will look so much better if she would just gain a little more weight, seriously.

one gay colleague of rich was trying to snatch rich away from me! and he did not even bother to practise any discretion. licked him from head to toe right in front of my very sharp eyes. and rich seemed to be enjoying it! gosh i felt so.... confused. heh but it was all in the name of fun.

met the marketing manager of MOS (the one who gives away membership). he was very friendly, gave me two pecks on the cheeks. and stupid me just uttered a soft 'hello' and quickly turned to rich and asked "who the hell is he?" oh wells. anyway drank some champagne with them then off to search for my friends again, with rich.

all in all, it was quite an eventful night. and gorilla, i'll never forget the 1st human male u hit on in 2006 - freaking 70-yr old ah pek carrying a broken stool. now i know your deep dark fetish. no wonder you always seem to dread guys' company, cos we're always hanging out with guys of our age. u kinky biatch.

spent the new yr with my baby. had a wonderful time. woke up at erm 4pm? heh went to have lunch. came back and decided to try sitting his mum in my family car. we had a tough time planning and experimenting the ways to carry her in. trust me, it was not easy cos her situation is very different from most others and the freaking car door made things way more inconvenient. anyway, finally we managed to sit her in and happily went for a short ride.

sadly, while in amk, aunty's blood pressure suddenly shot up and she started puking. luckily i had a paperbag in the car. off i had to go, rushing back yet at the same time, trying to drive as smoothly as possible.

but she was alright after she arrived home. phew.

then went out for dinner with rich at 9pm and next up was chris' place. so nice of her to invite us over. so i went with rich, huishi and paul. gosh didnt expect to have such an amazingly fun time playing Pictionary. started off with me & rich, huishi & paul and chris with her bro. soon, chris' cousins, aunts and uncles were all joining in the fun. it was sooo damn exciting. me and rich were initially leading but chris' team swelled from 2 members to like 4? 5? so of cos we lost la. not fair wat! haha. but at least we won huishi & paul. heh. chris' super high uncle was so funny i kept getting distracted by him. ;) i must say chris has an amazing family.

oh and i was quite amazed that chris' aunts and uncles recognised him from moulmein high! even chris' dad recognised him. didnt know ppl actually watched the show. heh. and chris' cousin knew he was a PTI though he has never met him before. haha my baby popular eh? *chokes*

this afternoon, i finally get down to prepare lunch for rich's family. just a simple one though - bak kut teh (yes again), black-sauce chicken and stir-fry dou miao. not that fantastic but rich likes it, or so he claimed. he's forever such a sweetie. ;)

alright, my readers are probably bored by now reading about the past 48 hrs of my life. so yea.. the beginning seems SWEET. hopefully 2006 will be a great year. ;)

tata.